After "a VERY humbling few weeks" of "sitting in a hole of deserved global punishment," Chrissy Teigen posted a lengthy apology on the blogsite Medium to address her past cyberbullying.
Teigen has seen her brand tarnished -- and endorsement deals lost -- after it was revealed she DMed now non-binary model Courtney Stodden as a teen, urging them to kill themselves.
Teigen admitted, "Not...a single moment has passed where I haven't felt the crushing weight of regret for the things I've said..."
Labeling herself "a troll," the mom and former model says she's "truly ashamed" of "my old awful (awful, awful) tweets."
She pondered, "How could I have done that?"
Teigen added, "My targets didn't deserve them....Many of them needed empathy, kindness, understanding and support, not my meanness masquerading as a kind of casual, edgy humor."
Teigen referenced Stodden only in passing, saying, "I've apologized publicly to one person," before adding, "there are others -- and more than just a few -- who I need to say I'm sorry to."
She admitted, "they may not want to speak to me. I don't think I'd like to speak to me," adding, "But if they do, I...will listen to what they have to say, while apologizing through sobs."
Teigen clarified that she was "not seeking or deserving any sympathy...The subjects of your sympathy -- and mine -- should be those I put down."
She said of her husband John Legend and their children, "John tells me almost every day how much our daughter Luna reminds him of me. Every day, I try to make sure she’s all the best parts of me, all the things I aspire to be all the time, but fail at sometimes."
She adds, "And we preach kindness to her and Miles every chance we get. Will they eventually realize there is some hypocrisy there? I certainly do."
Chrissy said that through therapy, having kids and experiencing loss, she was able to get to the bottom of "instant gratification" that came from trolling, or as she put it, "throwing rocks at someone you think is invincible because they're famous."
Teigen concluded, "I won't ask for your forgiveness...I ask that you allow me, as I promise to allow you, to own past mistakes and be given the opportunity to seek self improvement and change."
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